Opinions: Axiom Newspaper=Poop

Disclaimer: This article is a piece of sarcasm. Do not be offended, I come in peace.

At the launch of the Knightly News, I was excited because for the first time, the Lords' Guild would be doing something no one else had yet achieved. Chin Chillas created a newspaper, a media outlet promising to be the dominant source of edutainment in the region. I smiled as I saw the announcement, and quickly signed up to write a bit. My excitement was soon diminished by a terrible would-be copyright infringement, of ideas that is. 

Scrolling down the Equinox forum as usual, I spotted something. It was different. "Oh, look- SOMEONE POSTED IN ALL CAPS!" I saw Axiom in the title, so I clicked to see what tom-foolery those guys were up to. Much to my surprise, Axiom squeezed a newspaper out of Nordlijnonia. Fresh squeezed, actually. I winced as I read it... my whole life's dream, thrashed and destroyed by the selfish Axiom Guild. No longer would Lords' be the special one, no longer would we be the media kings. My blood boiled, my stomach twisted, and my voice box shrunk two sizes. I let out a squeaky gasp, and forced myself to read the trashy post.

I wept as my eyes glossed over the competition. It was worse than I feared. They were actually trying to be funny. Worse than that, people seemed to be buying it! The main article detailed the do-nothing Senate, and demonstrated the sheer yuckieness of everyone in Axiom. Clearly, the writer was jealous of the silent action by Senator Sopo and his comrades. Posting does not mean activity, and the new Senate has demonstrated that. Look at all the accomplishments already! A Speaker is soon to be elected, legislation is soon to be written, and historical achievements are soon to be made. Between you and me, that's a lot more than the article is letting on.

Not only that, but those buggers had the nerve to use a logo that says "EQUINOX NEWS". If that's Equinox News, then they must be intent on insulting both news and Equinox. But no, they couldn't just use the simple, albeit misused, name "EQUINOX NEWS", they had to make my eyes bleed with a giant banner reading "AXIOM 'WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN' EVERY SO OFTEN". What's that supposed to mean? It definitely lacks the elegance of "Knightly News" and surely can't be their real name. Well, it is. I think to save us all some time, we'll just use the catchy acronym "AWDGADESO". You see? Throw in a little Spanish accent, and it may catch on.

But really, Axiom Guild, why did you do this to me? To us? You've sucked out my soul. The only up-side is, without a soul I can write things like this.

Sopo, Opinion and Political Columnist, Knightly News